Not so recently and not so late either, I got into a lets say relationship thingy. Lets call him F. F and I met on social media, Not a so popular site, F wasn't my kind of guy per say but I was willing to get to know him. he wasn't not looking bad either but I know my kind of guys beyond the physical I know what I want, I know what draws me to that person I would get to like. He was not even the chatting type too. Like I love to have conversations
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F was like lets start dating first that he doesn't do talking stage, I should have seen it as a red flag right? but I went ahead, after all I was very single and bored as at that time so I went a head. he didn't look bad when we met, he looks good, dark, taller than me and of course he is someone's prayer point just not mine but I was willing to try.
We got dating and I figured he just wasn't my person and I still tried. To the best of my knowledge I did try my best. I couldn't bare to enjoy his company, he is a physical touch kind of person and I would jump whenever I get touched randomly, I would also have goose bumps on my skin, I would give just any excuse to avoid being close to him.
I began to struggle emotionally, more like I like him as a person so why can't I just developed feelings for him, why can't I over look many things because I know I am an understanding person so why am I struggling.
To add to my struggle I didn't like his family setting [until someone pointed out how family dynamics mattered I never knew it has always mattered to me all my life] lets leave it at that. His goals doesn't align with mine that is JAPA is not as important to me as it is to him, like how would someone be depressed because he has not JAPA. Do not get me wrong, I wont mind moving if I got a good job but it is not a "I must JAPA thing for me" as it is for him, he complained about not having money always but then again, Nigeria is happening to us all so why the always need to talk about that, I began to feel he was sending an indirect message to me of which I confronted him about and he said no it wasn't what I was thinking,
he would complain of how rigid I was, he wasn't even lying because I knew I was rigid and was struggling so bad to be flexible for him, I am a bubbling person. I love to randomly ask important questions he finds so not suitable to talk about. I love to randomly hear my partners opinion about things so why is this guy seeing it as a big deal. He would even say I love to imagine things. I forgot to add, as he found out my specialty in my master he began to calculate once I graduate we would be able to apply for jobs abroad and that can facilitate the JAPA process for us. Me on the other end found it so uncomfortable, he would talk about how he cant have kids in Nigeria and that when I get a job abroad and we are sure we are leaving that we would do court marriage so he would be my defendant. I remember telling him I want to be married well, like follow the process and very much traditionally married and that my parents deserve that honour that I wasn't doing that court marriage shit just for JAPA and that I don't even share his dreams.
I began to avoid him, I would give excuses just not to see him and school was my perfect excuse. I remember on few occasions he asked what's so special about school and that after all people sort, so why am I acting like the first to go to school, LOL I would tell him I had classes until Thursday, then I want to rest, I would also say I cannot miss church and many more just not to be in the same space with him. By the by, I am done with my major exams so my next semester which happens to be my last semester is just for Research works, workshops and Projects LOL.
boom!!! a major event happened in my state and that was the beginning of my withdrawal.......